dyin inside

I am so sick of feeling empty, sick of feeling sickened, feeling such despair

No matter what happens, I am left to die alone inside this creepy nightmare...

I have an inevitable addiction, a chemical dependency, to the numbing

But without the killing, the pain is crushing me into a gruesome something...

I am like a fiend without my medication, yet with it I am mentally powerless

I am so tired, and I am flooded with emotion, and at times, crazed, nonetheless...

I want to live, then I want to die, but when I want to succeed, I start to cave

I only sleep when I am not supposed to; I cannot sleep when it's time to crave...

I cannot eat anything when I am supposed to, and when I do, I lose myself

I panic the days away; crying, dying inside, continuing to lose my weight as well...

I lose my balance, and my co-ordination is unstable, and yes now, I am high

At the moment, yes, I am feeling the numbing sensation, as I write this down tonight...

I tried to make all the hurt go away, so I took too many little pills today

I got dizzy, and felt faint, so I lied down, desperately, but all I can say...

Is that it doesn't matter, cuz I barely slept, when my body really needed to

So now I am up late, writing about my depression, and feeling stupid too...

I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate my addiction, I certainly hate my pain

The walls close in on me constantly, and I can say it's claiming my name...

What do I have to give now, to anyone, cuz I just tend to drive people away?

What's it gonna take to get through to them, and getproperly treated anyway?...

I threaten to take my life all the time, and it doesn't make any difference

Depressing thoughts consume my blood when I am fueled with these regrets...

I regret being alive sometimes, for it's not worth suffering alone in darkness

Makes no sense to me at all anymore, again bringing on the fires of distress...

I want to break myself as if I had a choice, but fortunately, I won't instead

You may think it's the meds that arethe problem, but without them I am "dead"...

Dead anyway....feeling worthless, but I deserve so much more than to be trapped

Trapped inside this glass cage, with a stone-cold heart that is being strapped...

Strapped to the floorboards, in a bleeding position, tearing my eyes out

Down I go into the cracks and corners of the floorboards, and as I try to shout...

No one hears me, I just lie here bleeding, my throat being as a black hole

My eyes are dead, and my thoughts panic, as I taste my blindness as a whole...

Leave me alone, or don't, it does not really matter, I guess, anymore

I hope the doctors are happy for they have turned me into this whore...

Hooked on these precious pills, and milking my insurance for all its worth

How can I be expected to remain like this, upon God's beautiful earth?...

My life is at a high stake, which I am not even prepared to run away from

I want to cash in my chips, and I'll toss in the coins, and then some...

But my little girl is my only reason I am still standing, and as I try remain

Until some things change, the ugly carpet I step on is my pain, and I'm the matching stain.